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Many individuals affected by cancer who experience emotional distress report not wanting help. This review aims to understand why individuals affected by cancer seek, accept or decline help for emotional distress and what influences these actions. A systematic review and thematic synthesis of the qualitative literature was conducted. Using pre‐defined search terms, four electronic databases were searched from January 2000 to May 2016. Pre‐determined inclusion and exclusion criteria were then applied. Identified papers were quality appraised. In total, 32 papers were included in the synthesis. Four themes emerged from data synthesis: attaining normality—the normality paradox; being emotionally literate; perceptions of help; needs‐support gap. Attaining normality is ideographic, context dependent and temporally situated; some individuals maintain normality by not seeking/declining help whereas others seek …