Convective vertical velocity (w_c) and convective mass flux (M_c) lie at the heart of global climate model cumulus parameterizations, but few observations of these critical parameters are available. This paper develops and evaluates a novel, satellite‐based method for estimating profiles of w_c and M_c. Comparisons with collocated ground‐based radar wind profiler (RWP) observations show that satellite‐estimated median w_c is slightly greater than the RWP estimates, but they show solid agreement when compared at the 95th percentiles (intense updrafts). RWP‐derived and satellite‐estimated M_c are broadly comparable in the lower and middle troposphere, with some differences in the upper troposphere due to differences in convective core sampling. A k‐means cluster analysis of multiple years of w_c data shows that convective characteristics are distinctly different among extratropical convection, tropical land convection, and tropical oceanic convection. Tropical land convection is significantly more intense and more variable than the oceanic counterpart.